Emotional Survival for Pastors: A Pastors Journey - Part 4

Emotions Impact the Physical

This morning, I woke to the news that a pastor had passed away from a heart attack. The smiling pictures of his young wife and kids on social media shouted that he was a man taken before his time. Sadly, incidents like these are not isolated. The day before another pastor in the area had died of a heart attack, he also was too young. I pressed my hand into my own chest and felt my heart beat as I wondered. It had only been two months since I had my own heart medically tested. I was under a lot of stress and had been experiencing chest pains. After talking to my doctor, it was decided that due to the amount of stress I had been carrying, a test would be wise. I have been a pastor for seven years in a healthy, medium sized church that cares for me well. I turn forty years old this June.

Stress impacts people. While many, if not most pastors, find their work to be fulfilling and life-giving, it doesn’t diminish the stress that comes with working day-in and day-out with people. Sure there are ways to cope and different personality types field people in unique ways. There are best practices to handle stress, even though we as pastors are always “on call” and ministering to people. The graphic below charts performance versus stress and explains the results of a role that carry constant stress. 

From the most difficult to the easy-going, people are the ministry. Ministry happens in the moment, during sacred study time, over the weekend, during your down time, while you are on vacation. Often the inconvenience is the ministry.

Pastors go into ministry to make Christ known. Yet, surprisingly the amount of people interaction can lead a pastor to social isolation as well as powerful internal conflicts. This can lead the pastor to see people as an inconvenience. Pastors want to help people; hopefully one of the reasons they went into ministry in the first place. Over time though they can grow to dread people and the problems that they carry. This leads to internal conflict and guilt in the pastor. How can an individual who wants to help people now desire to avoid people? How can a pastor desire to avoid his divine mandate to shepherd? Guilt ensues.

Stress impacts individuals differently. Some struggle with eating too much. Ever wonder why so many pastors who get up in front of people every week are overweight? Study cortisol or stress eating and its effects and you may better understand the curious phenomenon where an individual who is constantly in the public eye consistently remains over-weight. 

Another interesting study would be the gut health of pastors. The gut is known as “the second brain of the body.” The gut produces serotonin that protects from depression. How many pastors struggle with gastric maladies such as Crones disease, IBS, or ulcers from carrying constant stress.

Depression and anxiety often runs rampant in pastoral circles. Thom Rainer articulates the plight of the pastor well, 

Most pastors are not suicidal. But most pastors do struggle. They lead churches in a  culture that is not friendly to their calling. Three-fourths of them lead churches that are struggling by almost any measure or metric. Many pastors are on the precipice of quitting, and most church members have no idea of their inner turmoil. 

In the midst of these cultural and congregational challenges, these pastors see a decided shift among the members. Their commitment level is low, and their frequency of attendance is decreasing. Many of the members are in the congregation to get their personal preferences fulfilled. And if you mess with their preferred worship style, order of worship, time of worship, color of carpet, or any facet of the church facility, they will let you know. Their trinitarian priority is me, myself, and I. 

These pastors have been stabbed in the front by church members and stabbed in the back by other staff. They love their church members; but they are deeply hurt when that love is returned with cynicism, criticism, and apathy. 

High amounts of stress can also lower resistance to moral failures. Stress can increase a minister’s temptation to act out or cut corners in areas that will come to haunt him later. Physical and emotional affairs, addictions to pornography, gambling, prescription drug abuse, or risky life decisions can all stem from poor response to stress. In recent memory, several big name pastors have succumbed to the dark side of power and compromised their ability to lead and minister because of decisions they have made.

Pastors feel the stress of being in the public eye. The level of perfection that a pastor is held to by both individuals and the community can almost be asphyxiating. As a spiritual leader, pastors are placed on a pedestal that often leaves little room for humanity. They are suppose to be spiritual leaders. While rock stars, social media personalities, politicians, and sports professionals can check into rehab and then return to their normal lives. Pastors are simply not afforded this luxury. 

Beyond all these stressors is the impact on pastor’s families. How many pastors’ kids and wives are miserable because their husband and father is always on edge? Divorce, rebellious children, neglected families are all potential casualties resulting from a failure to properly carry or address stress. Like their husbands and dads, wives and kids of pastors are placed on pedestals and have few if anyone to turn to if struggling.

I will never forget, talking to the wife of a pastor from my childhood. She had always been at church with a smile and a kind word, but one Sunday when home from seminary I had asked her how she was doing. For the next 10 minutes, she stood in the hall and shared how miserable and lonely she was as a pastor’s wife. I was shocked! As years of frustration poured out I wondered, did anyone know how hurt and alone this woman was? Could anything have been done differently?

As I write, I am keenly aware of the emotional impact of stress on the physical. I am currently trying to heal from an ulcer that manifested almost a year ago. While physically I am in good shape, emotionally the stress of the last two years is cashing its check . I am now consistently reminded from the pain in my side that stress if not managed correctly will eventually manifest itself in the emotional, physical, or spiritual realms. While I have hope that my ulcer will heal, many struggle to cope with the impact of stress.

In the next chapter of our journey, we will look at some surprising statistics regarding pastoral burn-out. In later chapters, we will then look toward best practices, solutions, and applications for both the pastor, the church, and church members.

Emotional Survival for Pastors: A Pastor's Journey - Part 3

Idealism versus Reality

I would stand at the door each Sunday next to a seasoned greeter and real-estate agent in the community and hold the door for people as they came in. Most, if not all, would smile and greet my with pleasant banter. They had come to worship. Slowly, I began to remember peoples names. Each Sunday I would wake and make a mental note of how many Sundays I had now been a pastor. I stopped counting at 32 Sundays. At the same time, the novelty of ministry began to wear off and reality began to set in, ministry is never ending and the pastor is always “on.”

For the newly hired pastor there is a substantial learning curve and much work to do. This will be accompanied by the awesome weight of responsibility that the pastor now shoulders, the health of a church and the shepherding of souls. Weekly expectations of preaching, teaching, leading, and shepherding must be met. An understanding of the church’s culture, systems of power, and strengths and weaknesses must be gained. The pastor must seek to understand and assimilate himself into this new culture and surroundings while bringing creative ideas to his environment. If fortunate, he will tackle these challenges with gusto and little adversity. Time will quickly pass-by.

Others may have to address prevailing issues that manifest after their arrival. These can range from discovering unforeseen sacred cows to direct confrontation from those who are openly hostile to new leadership. Friends must be won and skeptics turned. Conflicts have a way of compounding and if not resolved may threaten the stability of the new pastor. According to Lifeway research, in the late 1990s the median tenure for a pastor was 3.6 years, in 2008 the median tenure was 4.0, and in 2016 the median tenure was 6.0. Thom Rainer offers 6 reasons for this increase in tenure, but the old adage often repeated in seminary, “If you make it five years, you are good,” rings true.

During the first two years the new pastor will be consumed with the pursuits of acclimating. If placed in a healthy church, he will be met with a certain amount of success and embraced by the majority of his congregation. There will be no ends to ministry opportunity and the need for community engagement. Often this pressure can quickly lead to a workaholic mentality. Pastors can develop identity altering postures that are driven by the weekly checklists, addiction to the need for success, or succumb to people-pleasing. 

Another formidable challenge that will be realized by the new pastor is that the “product” or “clientele” which the pastor deals in will rarely have measurable deliverables. A pastor’s job is unique as his medium is the spiritual vitality of the soul. The irony is that ultimately God and the individual whose soul is in view are responsible for spiritual growth.  This leaves the pastor as a cheerleader or coach with little power to control the final outcomes. The reality is that people change slowly or not at all.

There are many objectives in ministry, but these can be hard to quantify.  Unlike a salesman, manufacturer, or business man - numbers, nickles, and noses in a ministry context make poor metrics. There are a myriad of factors that can influence these metrics, but the weight of this burden is often carried by the pastor. This is a challenge as the average church in North America is plateaued or in decline. The net effect can be that the pastor has the sense that he is on a sinking ship. If the pastor serves in a culture which is experiencing moral and spiritual decline, he may also struggle with feelings of being on the “losing team.” Guilt arises from asking the question, “Could I have done more on my watch to stem the tide?” The answer to this no-win question is always “yes.”

Great job satisfaction can be found in ministry, and many pastors enjoy their vocation. Yet, the reality is that there are a disproportional amount of ministry chores required to engage in the ministry work. Some will struggle with the rapidity of ministry chores and the siloed nature of ministry. Pastoring can also be lonely. If placed in a niche role some may grow bored of their specialty wishing for broader horizons, while other pastors who are forced to be generalist may long to specialize. Discouragement can arise from monotony of work, loneliness, or discontentment with the present circumstances.

A stark reality of ministry is that there are no boundaries. Human need is infinite. Life happens and for this reason pastors articulate feeling on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. When they are at church, around their church members, or in the community they are “on.” This phenomenon can cause a pastor to want to withdraw from the normalcy of life or at the least avoid engaging to his fullest in ministering to people. In a survivalist defense mechanism, emotional boundaries are drawn, and people, even friends, are held at arms length. Isolation can lead to depression.

Perhaps the greatest, unforeseen challenge of the pastor is the extent of the brokenness that he will face in the lives of those around him.  Upon reflection he will understand his own shortcomings and brokenness in a new light. What was once a bright and idealistic world quickly becomes a world shadowed by the reality of sin, shame, and suffering both in the pastor’s own life and in the lives of those around him. When bad things happen, pastors often become the first to know, are sought out for answers, and the last to be able to move on.

There sits in my garage a massive piece of furniture designed to reside near an entry way. It is made out of an old door for a back, a massive chest at the base, and scrap pieces of wood that make various shelves and cubbies. Over the course of a year this work took shape in my garage. The piece is not necessarily beautiful or perfect, but it cooperated and each week it reflected the impact of my efforts. It is a testament to man's need for progress. Yet this is not the only project. Other years it was the yard, a room remodeled, a Ph.D. completed. It has been said the that impact of ministry can be compared to water dripping on a rock. Over time, it leaves its mark. All things of value take time. Some take longer than others. Ministry, at its core, is a time game, and five years is probably not a bad place to start.

Emotional Survival for Pastors: A Pastor's Journey - Part 2

Ministry Training

Six months before graduation, I began to send out resumes for a spectrum of pastoral positions. I had just turned 30 years old and was eager to engage in full time ministry.  Interested churches would send long, theological questionnaires in an attempt to vet candidates. Interviews materialized, yet no job was secured. I was a small fish in a large ocean.  According to the Association of Theological Schools there were approximately 55,000 students enrolled in theological master’s degrees the year I began school.

It was 2009, the housing bubble had just burst, and the economy was struggling.  One small church of 50 in Colorado (eastern Colorado) replied to my inquiry that they suspended their search process as they had been overwhelmed by 120 resumes in a week.

Another church after considering my resume commented that they were getting applicants with 15-20 years experience. After three rounds of interviews, one church identified me to be their final candidate only to be told that two of their fourteen member search committee didn’t have peace about my appointment.  Unanimity was required, the head of the search team sounded genuinely dejected as he explained that they would be starting their search process all over. 

A year after graduating with a four year master’s degree from a prestigious evangelical seminary, I found a job in the non-profit sector.  Again, I began the process of relocating my family, which now included two kids in diapers, to another metropolitan city for a third move in six years. I had known this outcome was a possibility before seminary, but I didn’t believe the statistics would apply to me.

Coming out of academia, ministry is a new world.  While ministry experience may have been gained in past seasons or in a limited capacity before seminary training, most seminarians have limited ministry experience.  Some may have been part of an internship, but few will have had substantial preaching or shepherding experience. As in most fields, expertise comes with time and practice.  Gaining ministry experience while navigating the transition from the idealism of the academic world to the realities of ministry world are challenges that must be overcome. Having completed the first leg of their journey, the freshly minted pastor now faces several hurdles: the first of which is finding a ministry position where they can begin to gain experience.

There are five options seminarians face. One option is to take a niche roll on a large church staff. These positions are few and hard to come by as an inexperienced pastor.  The niche will often be decided by a pastors gift mix, prior ministry experience, and academic training.  Once begun, a ministry niche will drive the pastor toward a specialty such as education, youth, children, music, or community development. Whether this ministry niche is to be their life-time vocational calling is predicted by fate and circumstance. 

A second option is to serve at a medium-size church.  Again, these positions are limited and often reserved for those with experience.  While specific roles are often delineated, a medium-sized church provides the opportunity to be more of a generalist taking part in various roles and responsibilities within the life of the church.

A third option is to serve in a small church.  Here the pastor will find himself, all things to all men.  According to the Hartford Institute the median church size in the United States (excluding Catholic and Orthodox churches) is 75 regular participants in worship and 59% of churches have a weekly attendance less than 99 individuals.

Approximate Distribution of U.S. Protestant and Other Christian Churches by size *based on NCS study
(excluding Catholic/Orthodox)

ATTENDANCE	# OF CHURCHES	WEEKLY WORSHIPERS	PERCENT
7-99	177,000	9 million	59%
100-499	105,000	25 million	35%
500-999	12,000	9 million	4%
1,000-1,999	6,000	8 million	2%
2,000-9,999	1,170	4 million	0.4%
10,000-plus	40	.7 million	0.01%
TOTALS	approx. 300,000	approx. 56 million	100%

A forth option is a ministry role outside of a church setting such as a non-profit ministry or para-church organization. This option is often a stretch for the seminary graduate as their seminary training has been focused toward the church world to which they initially felt called.  This option can also come with the unique challenge of fundraising.

A final option for those that struggle to find placement is to find employment in a different vocation for a season.  This option can lead to great discouragement as well as a serious crisis of identity for an individual who has invested heavily in seminary training and felt the call to enter into ministry.

It is within the context of one of these environments that the minister must begin to engage in ministry in order to gain experience.  Success may be difficult to quantify.  Success can be measured from a personal vantage point: ministry satisfaction, fit within the church and staff culture, opportunities for continuing growth and development, and financial stability could all be considered success. Yet, success in ministry from a professional view point can be an elusive target.

The pressures of securing a ministry position along with financial provision, continued transitions, and the difficulty of clearly defining ministry success can all lead to insecurities, anxiety, and emotional duress in the pastor’s life.  These stressors, in many ways, are to be expected and can be calculated for, but what is impossible to calculate is the higher hurdle of moving away from the ideal of ministry into the very present reality of ministering to people.  This is reality which academia cannot train for, it knows no boundaries, and if not carefully navigated, will in due time have a tremendous negative emotional, physical, and spiritual impact on the pastor.