Emotional Survival for Pastors: A Pastor's Journey - Part 3

Idealism versus Reality

I would stand at the door each Sunday next to a seasoned greeter and real-estate agent in the community and hold the door for people as they came in. Most, if not all, would smile and greet my with pleasant banter. They had come to worship. Slowly, I began to remember peoples names. Each Sunday I would wake and make a mental note of how many Sundays I had now been a pastor. I stopped counting at 32 Sundays. At the same time, the novelty of ministry began to wear off and reality began to set in, ministry is never ending and the pastor is always “on.”

For the newly hired pastor there is a substantial learning curve and much work to do. This will be accompanied by the awesome weight of responsibility that the pastor now shoulders, the health of a church and the shepherding of souls. Weekly expectations of preaching, teaching, leading, and shepherding must be met. An understanding of the church’s culture, systems of power, and strengths and weaknesses must be gained. The pastor must seek to understand and assimilate himself into this new culture and surroundings while bringing creative ideas to his environment. If fortunate, he will tackle these challenges with gusto and little adversity. Time will quickly pass-by.

Others may have to address prevailing issues that manifest after their arrival. These can range from discovering unforeseen sacred cows to direct confrontation from those who are openly hostile to new leadership. Friends must be won and skeptics turned. Conflicts have a way of compounding and if not resolved may threaten the stability of the new pastor. According to Lifeway research, in the late 1990s the median tenure for a pastor was 3.6 years, in 2008 the median tenure was 4.0, and in 2016 the median tenure was 6.0. Thom Rainer offers 6 reasons for this increase in tenure, but the old adage often repeated in seminary, “If you make it five years, you are good,” rings true.

During the first two years the new pastor will be consumed with the pursuits of acclimating. If placed in a healthy church, he will be met with a certain amount of success and embraced by the majority of his congregation. There will be no ends to ministry opportunity and the need for community engagement. Often this pressure can quickly lead to a workaholic mentality. Pastors can develop identity altering postures that are driven by the weekly checklists, addiction to the need for success, or succumb to people-pleasing. 

Another formidable challenge that will be realized by the new pastor is that the “product” or “clientele” which the pastor deals in will rarely have measurable deliverables. A pastor’s job is unique as his medium is the spiritual vitality of the soul. The irony is that ultimately God and the individual whose soul is in view are responsible for spiritual growth.  This leaves the pastor as a cheerleader or coach with little power to control the final outcomes. The reality is that people change slowly or not at all.

There are many objectives in ministry, but these can be hard to quantify.  Unlike a salesman, manufacturer, or business man - numbers, nickles, and noses in a ministry context make poor metrics. There are a myriad of factors that can influence these metrics, but the weight of this burden is often carried by the pastor. This is a challenge as the average church in North America is plateaued or in decline. The net effect can be that the pastor has the sense that he is on a sinking ship. If the pastor serves in a culture which is experiencing moral and spiritual decline, he may also struggle with feelings of being on the “losing team.” Guilt arises from asking the question, “Could I have done more on my watch to stem the tide?” The answer to this no-win question is always “yes.”

Great job satisfaction can be found in ministry, and many pastors enjoy their vocation. Yet, the reality is that there are a disproportional amount of ministry chores required to engage in the ministry work. Some will struggle with the rapidity of ministry chores and the siloed nature of ministry. Pastoring can also be lonely. If placed in a niche role some may grow bored of their specialty wishing for broader horizons, while other pastors who are forced to be generalist may long to specialize. Discouragement can arise from monotony of work, loneliness, or discontentment with the present circumstances.

A stark reality of ministry is that there are no boundaries. Human need is infinite. Life happens and for this reason pastors articulate feeling on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. When they are at church, around their church members, or in the community they are “on.” This phenomenon can cause a pastor to want to withdraw from the normalcy of life or at the least avoid engaging to his fullest in ministering to people. In a survivalist defense mechanism, emotional boundaries are drawn, and people, even friends, are held at arms length. Isolation can lead to depression.

Perhaps the greatest, unforeseen challenge of the pastor is the extent of the brokenness that he will face in the lives of those around him.  Upon reflection he will understand his own shortcomings and brokenness in a new light. What was once a bright and idealistic world quickly becomes a world shadowed by the reality of sin, shame, and suffering both in the pastor’s own life and in the lives of those around him. When bad things happen, pastors often become the first to know, are sought out for answers, and the last to be able to move on.

There sits in my garage a massive piece of furniture designed to reside near an entry way. It is made out of an old door for a back, a massive chest at the base, and scrap pieces of wood that make various shelves and cubbies. Over the course of a year this work took shape in my garage. The piece is not necessarily beautiful or perfect, but it cooperated and each week it reflected the impact of my efforts. It is a testament to man's need for progress. Yet this is not the only project. Other years it was the yard, a room remodeled, a Ph.D. completed. It has been said the that impact of ministry can be compared to water dripping on a rock. Over time, it leaves its mark. All things of value take time. Some take longer than others. Ministry, at its core, is a time game, and five years is probably not a bad place to start.