Why might I feel like i am ready to go home?
Does this mean that my faith is weak?
Not necessarily. While we are prone to struggle because of lack of faith, sin in our lives, or spiritual warfare, we also struggle with our humanness. We are finite ("human") and capable of fatigue. When coupled with culture shock and the list above, we should not be surprised that a missions trip would push us to the end of self.
End of self:
Physically - weeks of preparation, 22 hour flight, clearing the calendar on the home front, hit the ground running and not stopping, a new environment (bed) = Physical depletion (days 1 & 2)
Emotionally - culture shock, poverty, and paradigms that are being redefined = Emotional depletion (days 3 & 4)
Spiritually - serving consistently, having our hearts expanded as we greater understand the vastness of spiritual needs, working outside my natural spiritual comfort zone, learning much in a little time, realizing my insufficiency to meet or impact the needs around me = Spiritual tiredness (days 5 & 6)
It is after we have depleted our physical, emotional, and spiritual reservoirs that we come to end of self. Peter's response is insightful, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. It is at the end of ourselves that we come to our greatest dependency on Christ. This is not a place where we would intentionally go (suffering and fasting can also bring us to the end of self), yet it is a place where Christ can be most clearly seen through and in us. It is Christ in us that must carry us when physical, emotional, and spiritual run dry. (Is 40:31) It is during these times of dependency that our capacity for knowing Christ expands. These are unique times that are to be embraced as they come, not necessarily sought after (fasting the exception). Cling to prayer and go to the source during these times
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